It is unbreakable. It is never ending. It is always there. Eternal. All-knowing. It is certain; it is perfect. It is not what we can see, not what we can touch. It is life. Death cannot break it. Tears cannot harm it. Pain only makes it stronger. It is what we breath; it is what we need. Without it, we are nothing. It is the very reason of our existence, and it is our everything in moments when we have nothing. It is unbroken, unharmed, untouched, unexplained. It is our hearts, our minds, our souls. It is God’s love.
Obsessed With What I Cannot Find
I woke up from my nightmares sweating, breathing heavy and gasping as if I had just come out of water. My eyes couldn’t seem to focus on one object as I searched the room for what I hoped to find. I wanted to find him. I didn’t know why, but I had to. Of course, I wouldn’t find him in my bedroom, sitting on the edge of my bed and ready to hold me. I wouldn’t find him when I fell asleep and the dreams began to haunt me again. I wouldn’t find him when I collapsed on the ground and screamed his name until no words came out of my open mouth. I never found him, because I wasn’t searching.
The nightmares. The endless torments. I couldn’t take them much longer. It seemed as if there was always something behind me.
I turned around, only for my eyes to meet the wall my bed leaned against.
It felt as if something was always inside of me, wanting to come out.
I gasped and covered my ears with my hands.
It seemed as though something was always there to jump in front of me.
I screamed and opened my eyes, falling off my bed as I did so.
Then I sat there. I couldn’t sleep any more tonight. So I merely sat there, my arms wrapped around my knees and my eyes downcast at the ground. I took deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself, but it didn’t help. The tears still ran down my cheeks. The creatures still haunted my dreams. My memories still wouldn’t fill my mind.
“All I want, is to find him.” I whispered, my voice coming out shaking and frightened.
Then, when all hope seemed lost, a single quote came to mind. And then, I remembered.